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English as a Second F*cking Language: How to Swear Effectively, Explained in Detail with Numerous Examples Taken From Everyday Life

English as a Second F*cking Language: How to Swear Effectively, Explained in Detail with Numerous Examples Taken From Everyday Life
By Sterling Johnson

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Product Description

America swears by it!

In the English language, swearing is essential to effective communication. Whether you want to succeed in business, school, or social circles, a strong command of vocabulary is absolutely necessary. Just imagine a stranger to our shores, trying to comprehend the following conversation:

John: Mary, would you like to attend the opera this evening?
Mary: F*cking-A. should I wear my black dress?
John: Why the f*ck not?
Mary: F*cked if I know-Oh, f*ck! I just remembered. It got f*cked up in the wash.
John: Well, f*ck the opera. Let's stay home and f*ck.
Mary: Good f*cking idea.

English as a Second F*cking Language (ESF*L) is the perfect way for nonnative speakers to learn the basics of swearing. At the same time, it also offers native speakers a wide variety of twists and new refinements. Page after page, ESF*L provides a smorgasbord of swearing synonyms designed to boost your vocabulary-everything from the conventional d*mn and sh*t to a host of more inventive terms that would make any truck driver blush. And when you're finished reading, our Final F*cking Exam is the perfect test of your swearing skills. You'll be surprised by how much you've learned!

Product Details

  • Amazon Sales Rank: #312230 in Books
  • Published on:
  • Original language: English
  • Number of items: 1
  • Dimensions: 7.99" h x .28" w x 4.76" l, .20 pounds
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 96 pages

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Great f*cking book!" --Stephen King

About the Author

World-renowned for his innovative lectures and workshops, Professor Sterling Johnson has been teaching English as a second language for over twenty years. He now lives in Pacific Grove, California, where he enjoys a "nice f*cking day" as much as the next fellow.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

English as a Second F*cking Language
FUCK
Fuck is the mother of all words. Short and effective, it gets to the root of creation.
The euphemisms for fuck are cumbersome and inexact. One example will make our point:
 
example:
 
Some Romeo! What a namby-pamby mouthful! In the time it takes to say it, you could fuck a half-dozen times.
 
Fuck is sometime called the F-Word. Avoid that term. Just say fuck.
 
fuck
The word's meaning, both as noun and verb, is sexual and positive. However, many of its extended, nonsexual meanings can be negative.
example:
Sigmund: How come you're mad at Carl?
Rudolph: The no-good fuck fucked me out of ten dollars.
fuck around
This sometimes means to fuck people other than your mate. It can also mean to engage in idle fun.
example:
fuck it
The non-sexual meaning is similar to "the hell with it." It's a useful term for dismissing nonessential or irrelevant matters.
example:
fuck up
As a noun, fuck-up refers to a botched situation or an incompetent person. As a verb, fuck up refers to the action that caused it.
example:
 
Fuck you!
This is one of the most useful phrases in the lexicon of swears. It eliminates the need to argue--or even reason--with people whose purposes or opinions are different from your own.
example:
(NOTE: Marcel's words are italicized to indicate that he is acting them out rather than speaking them.)
example:
EQUIVALENTS OF FUCK
There are a number of equivalents for the word fuck. Our panel sees no need for them, but we offer a few for informational purposes.
VERBS
ball
This comes from the expression "to have a ball"--a good time. The "ball" in this case refers to a gala event, not a testicle. However, in order to ball, you need to have the testicular type of ball. You only need one, but two is the norm.
example:
 
bang
Of the many aggressive words for fuck, this is the most common. Others include boff and thump.
examples:
dick
This term comes from the tool used in the act.
example:
 
get it, etc.
Combinations with get that mean fuck include: get a little, get in, get it, get it on, get laid, get some, and get your ashes hauled.
hide the weenie
This is a jocular way to say fuck. Avoid it.
lay
This is a mild term for fuck, and a common one. It's based on the strange idea that people always lay down to fuck (see basket fuck in the IDIOMS section).
screw
Except in a basket fuck (see the IDIOMS section) there is no actual rotation involved. Like fuck, screw can have a negative, non-sexual meaning.
example:
NOUNS
lay fuck piece of ass quickie
 
 
FUCK ANALYSIS
Night at the Opera
1. Fucking-A: This is a strong affirmation.
2. the fuck: This is an intensifier.
3. Fucked: This is short for "I'll be fucked if I know," which has nothing to do with actual fucking. It's the equivalent of "I'll be damned if I know," which has nothing to do with damnation. In other words: "I don't know."
4. Oh, fuck! This is an interjection. The Oh isn't necessary; Fuck! by itself is a complete interjection.
5. fucked up: This means damaged.
6. fuck: Here, fuck is used in a negative sense, similar to, "The hell with the opera."
7. fuck: Here, fuck is used in its primary sense.
8. fucking: A novice might think the intended meaning is: "This is a good idea about fucking." In fact fucking in the sexual sense isn't intended; the word is merely an intensifier. And a fucking good one at that.
 
 
Copyright © 1995 by Sterling Johnson. All rights reserved.

Customer Reviews

Most helpful customer reviews

31 of 33 people found the following review helpful.
5Laugh your a** off.
By Victoria Tarrani
Be prepared to laugh and ride the humorous wave with Sterling Johnson.

In the 1970's, George Carlin cited seven words that would never appear on TV, but time and theatrical productions have changed their acceptability. Unfortunately, I cannot list them in this review because they would not be suitable, but they are listed on page 8 of this book.

Cable TV followed the lead when they began showing these R+ rated movies. Language that was not conventional when Carlin clarified what the "bad" words were is now common in conversations.

His and Hers, Hands on experience, Tips and Traps are just a few of the sections that provide alternate words for different body parts and actions. Throughout the book, Johnson gives examples through dialogue. The goal is to help the newcomer with a way to understand what f*ck and other derivatives mean, and which ones are fighting words.

Writers will find this book is a clear definition of how to write true to life dialogue for today's market.

I was expecting a different outlook than definitions of "bad" words, so I was somewhat disappointed. However, this is a valuable resource that is well written and funny.

Victoria Tarrani

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful.
5A great book for a foreign person
By A Customer
If you are not a native English speaker - and want to *really* understand what these f*cking Americans are talking about - this book is a must-read

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
5Funniest book I've read in years.
By A Customer
This is the funniest book I've read in years. This year I'm giving copies to all my friends with open minds (and to a few narrow-minded people who need to lighten up).

I picked up some great expressions I'd never heard before and scored 100% on the final exam at the end of the book, which is a classic in itself.

The dialogues are hilarious, just the thing for aspiring actors to use as practice exercises.

I'd love to see the author on "Politically Incorrect." He'd fit right in.

Maybe they'll make a movie of the book. After all, they made a movie about "Pi." If they ever did make the movie, Bill Murray would be perfect as Sterling Johnson.

I don't know how many times I've picked this book up and read passages aloud to friends. They are always delighted, although some pretend to be shocked.

It's a gem.

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